Well, number one, you are already doing the best thing you can do, and that is Parelli.  I grew up around horses, but didn't learn to ride until my forties.  Boy was I scared - so scared I almost quit. My first trainer saw dollar signs over my head and sold me a green 4 year old that had never been ridden.  It took me a few years to get my confidence back, and what did that for me was natural horsemanship.  If I didn't love horses more than anything, I probably would have given up that first year.  6 years later now, I train my 7 horses myself and I have started several on my own, including a wild mustang I am working with.   

Parelli is great, but I would recommend learning the basics of Clinton Anderson's program, especially with an Arab.  Clinton's program breaks everything down into the smallest steps, that are really easy to understand, and his focus is on SAFETY above everything else.  Parelli's focus is on communicating with your horse, but in my opinion, you have to have the safety first - then you can learn a little finesse once you've got thier respect. Learning the one rein stop alone will help give you tremendous confidence.  Once you know you can stop them if things start to go bad, it takes a lot of the fear away.  I had a runaway dominant paint mare that was quite a handful and Clinton's program really turned her around.  Now I do more Parelli with her, trying to work more from her level, and she is now one of my best riding horses.

Good luck to you. 

  

 

I'm right there with you!  I didn't have a care in the world until I 1) bought my own place, thus becoming sole caretaker of The Herd, and 2) wound up in the ER with two dislocations and several teeth showing through my lower lip.  There's nothing like responsibility and pain to take the edge off fearlessness, is there? 

 But I'm here to tell you that it can get better.  I think we each have an "on" button and an "off" button.  My button was turned off by fear.  Serious illness with surgery and lots of recovery turned it back on.  I lost my entire 59th year, which irritated the heck out of me, but more important I discovered that when the absolute worst thing happened, I still came through.  No matter how bad things seemed, a little bit of a push got me past it.

The way I see it now from the other side of 60 is that I'm far more resilient and much stronger than I gave myself credit for.  There are still things I'm too "wise" to do (I love that concept!), but the nit-picky stuff isn't such a concern anymore.  Imagine my surprise when my worst horse went unridden for nearly a year and was still okay when I hopped up on him . . . with a bit of longeing and some  "testing" first.  I'm brave, not stupid.

I learned that there's no shame in reading your horse's body language and deciding today just isn't the day to try that solo trail ride . . . but tomorrow might be.  But today might be good for something else, like setting up a pattern of cones and just walking the horse through it till you're both numb.  There's nothing wrong with starting with just a short trip past the neighbor's house and back for that first outing.    And a good strap-on cell phone holder (mine velcro's around my leg just below my knee so it's with me, not my horse, if I do get lawn-darted) can help make you feel better even if you're only riding around your front lawn.

There are books, too, that can really help.  There's Horses Behavin' Badly by Jim and Lynda McCall--not because your horse is behaving badly, but because the Good Doctor and his wife are aces at explaining horse behavior in ways we humans can understand--and there's Build Complete Confidence With Your Horse by Kelly Marks.

 Doing ground work and teaching tricks is also great. You get a better feel for your horse's state of mind and you can build in some cues that will help you get a grip on things when you're in the saddle.

 Mostly, I learned that miles in the saddle are all-important, so all of that said, I think lessons might be very helpful to you, either on your own horse or on a schoolie at a lesson barn.  I hadn't had a lesson in years before my crisis of confidence.  A year of irregular dressage lessons made a HUGE difference!  When you feel as if you know what you're doing, you don't get that panicky feeling that soemthing's going on beyond your control.   I do yoga and have a home gym where I make sure I'm never so out-of-shape that I can't keep my balance, but if I do nothing but walk/trot for 20 minutes, it still counts as miles, and it still works toward regaining that lost confidence.

 I'll be looking forward to hearing what you're doing.  Please do post your progress!

 

 I was just reading through all your posts. I don't claim to have all the answers, but why don't you check out my blog- www.greyhorsematters.blogspot.com, my blog adresses the concerns of the aging equestrian. I am also over 50 so I understand what we are all going through.There might be something in one of my posts on either fitness and riding or fears and falling that may help you with your perspective.Just a thought.

I can really relate to your concern.  A few years ago I had a major horse crash (horse is fine, I almost died) and getting back on the same horse after that took ALOT of courage (and some say, stupidity)!  Now, 5 years later, and now in my 50's, I ride with a healthy respect for the dangers -- without dwelling!  Here is one tiny exercise that helped me:  I do modest meditation while on horseback. Choose a mantra (mine was "centaur" because I wanted to be one with my horse), and chant that over and over in your mind while deep breathing and relaxing.  I did it with my eyes closed while my mare was walking in a safe place. Also, the knowledge that we are ALL more hardy than we usually give ourselves credit for, often helps too.  And you are probably a better rider than you give yourself credit for also.

One last thing, I disagree with the folks that advise to get a quieter horse.  You can have a life threatening accident on any horse at any time.  Ride with healthy respect for that fact. And it's still MUCH safer to ride your horse than it is to get in your car and drive to the grocery store!!

Have fun! 

I think a good way to riding fearlessly is to be comfortable and confident.  Build your confidence by reminding yourself that you can do it, and most of all that you have done it before!!  I always tell myself "You've done way higher jumps than this little thing!!"  It seems to help sometimes.  Also a horse that you feel completely comfortable on is very important, because if you and your horse don't work well together, then it's not helping the problem.  I know that has happened to me before.  Telling yourself that you can do it will help!

I totally agree with Croper56 that looking for a "quieter" horse is not the answer.  In my opinion, there is no such thing.  True, some horses are surely more volatile than others, but you cannot predict what may come during any ride, nor what might set a "bombproof" horse off.  If you have had your mare for 5 years, I am assuming you two get along fine, and that is the only reason I can think that would warrant getting a different horse.  If you just don't click, it's a tough row to hoe, but your situation doesn't sound that way to me.  On a trail ride with a friend one day, we ran into a couple of hikers carrying rubber boats.  I thought my Arab mare would probably not care much for them, but she wanted to get close enough to sniff them!  My friend, who was riding a 20+ Quarter Horse mare was a bit surprised when her mare suddenly spun and sprinted off aways.  First and only time we ever saw her do that!  So, ya never know!  I also teach my horses tricks because its fun and they seem to love it too!  Also helps build a good bond between you, and it's pretty easy, especially with Arabs.

I agree---you can only plan & train for what may come...but you never know till you're there!

I've been riding since age 2 (49 years now), and patrol with my City's unit for over a decade. Recently I found a FANTASTIC site that is dedicated to FEAR issues for riders & their horses--It's POSITIVELY RIDING. You can find it at Positivelyriding@highpowersites.com. It has police horse training tricks for spooking/fear, top trainer tips and discussions on the subject. Many different equipment items and helps are there also. I encourage you all to take a look.

Although I grew up with mostly Quarter Horses in Arizona, I'm now in Colorado and my personal horse of choice (out of our 4) is a Paso Fino gelding. They're not only the smoothest horse breed in the world, but I'm so impressed with how gentle and willing they are to do whatever you ask. And sweet as lambs on the ground to be around. Beautiful to see them gait, as well!

Hope this information helps. I wish beautiful and happy trails to all of you out there. 

 

 

countrymouse:

 KCS, I love that ....hmmmm, maybe I can coax DH to carve me a sign with an appropriate inscription ....make it my new life motto

 

Thanks!  What a nice compliment!

Thank you for that website info; I definitely want to check it out!  I have a good friend who has a Paso, and she says the same thing; they are so sweet and willing that even tho she feels he's a little small (she isn't that big either!) she loves riding him in playdays because he has so much fun!

Does this place have a regular website?  When I clicked on your address for Positivelyriding, all I got was a form to email on.  Is this how you get in touch with them?  I am no techie when it comes to these computers.....thanks for any help.

Boy can I relate to your message!  I too am in my 50s, overweight, and have an Arabian who is part greased lightening and part jackrabbit sometimes.  I am also an engineer so I will explain things in a bit of technical language.  It not only seems to hurt more when we fall now, it does!  There is an equation that describes the reactive force for falling bodies ( that would be us ).  It is Force = mass times acceleration.  In other words the force you hit the ground with is equal to your mass time gravity which is a constant.  The more you weigh the more force you will hit the ground with.  My horse brought this home to me about a year ago and since then I have lost 30 pounds.  40 more to go.  I hate dieting and exercising, but I hate pain more and I am not about to quit riding. 

Also when you sit, if your body is in a straight line directly over the horses center of gravity ( think dressage seat with the shoulders over the hips and the legs long agains the horses sides) when the horse whirls or jumps your body will go with it.  The more your head tips forward or you get out of alignment the more centrifical force will pull you out of the saddle.  If you sit in perfect alignment it takes very little muscular strength to stay with a bucking or spooking horse, because your center is directly over their center and there is very little moment to the the forces acting on your body.  The farther from perfect alignment the more the moments come into play.  Think of a ball and a bat.  To get the longest drive you want to hit the ball with the end of the bat.  The same force hitting the ball with the bat near the grip does not send the ball nearly as far. 

Thirdly, God knew what he was doing when he put long manes on Arabs!  Grab that sucker and hang on.  When my horse is fresh I will ride until I am sure he is settled with a tuft of mane in my outside hand.  I can still use my rein and move my hand, but if he spooks I am attached.  Don't let anyone tell you that only sissys grab mane.  If your horse does not have a long mane put a bucking strap on your saddle. 

Here's a link, I found it after a quick Google:

 http://www.positivelyriding.com/home.html

 Mary

cattail210:

 

Thirdly, God knew what he was doing when he put long manes on Arabs!  Grab that sucker and hang on.  When my horse is fresh I will ride until I am sure he is settled with a tuft of mane in my outside hand.  I can still use my rein and move my hand, but if he spooks I am attached.  Don't let anyone tell you that only sissys grab mane.  If your horse does not have a long mane put a bucking strap on your saddle. 

 

You just brought back a great memory!  I had a QH mare I used to ride hell-bent through the woods up and down hills to get her ready for barrel season.  I'm an English rider, so I rode "westrish" for those occasions and tended to lean forward going up hills.  I did that--grabbed mane and leaned into the hill--and was startled to discover when I tried to sit back up that the horn of the barrel saddle (it's skinny and tall, you know?) was neatly tucked under the front band of my bra and I was effectively welded to the mare's withers.  Much more galloping ensued than I had planned for. 

I can tell you that even a cheap Wal Mart sports bra will NOT break under such stress.  Not at all.  Not ever. 

There is one more aspect to riding after 50 that I forgot to mention previously.  That is:  I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore.  "Peer pressure" may have kept me on an unruly horse in the past, but now, if I feel as though I'll be safer hand-walking my horse, then I dismount.  I trail ride in an English saddle, often with a number of other riders.  And often one of them will tell me what I 'should' do with my horse instead of dismounting.  But I ignore them -- because I'm the only one that knows what I need to do at that moment. And, I have nothing to prove. So they think I'm a wimp? So what?  So what if they think I'm not the best rider in the group?  So what if they think I don't have the most advanced horse in the group?  It's all relative.  I'm in love with my horse and happy with my riding skills, so the heck with trying to prove anything. I think that is one of the best benefits of getting towards 'senior' status!

Boy I can agree with you about peer pressure!  One thing I have learned the hard way is to listen to my horse and no one else.  Everytime I have tried to push my way through a situation because some well meaning person was trying to coach me, or I didn't want to appear unskilled in front of my friends, it has ended in disaster. 

Also be careful who helps you with your horses - don't put your life in unskilled hands.  I once had a girlfriend try to help me start a young horse.  I was a little unsure about the canter on this horse, so I had her put me on a longe line for a little extra security.  I thought she knew what she was doing, but she didn't.  The horse went faster and faster she couldn't stop the horse, and I went flying off.  Outside of the pain I went through from the fall, it also did a lot of damage to that young horse's confidence. Lesson #1 - only get help from qualified people.

Then I made mistake #2 because that fall shook my confidence, and I put another person that the horse was totally unfamilar with on her back to learn the canter.  I could see the fear and panic in her eyes and put a stop to it right away.  Lesson #2 - never damage the trust and confidence of a young horse that has put it's trust and faith in you. I let my insecurity in my ability override the bond I had established with this animal.  I have learned that horses have a lot more innate understanding than we give them credit for.  I now go slow and listen to the horse...I train and progress at the horse's pace.  I listen to the horse, and when I do that, things never go wrong.   I'm not saying not to seek help in training if you need it - by all means, do so.  But only get qualified help and don't let anyone steer you from doing what you know is right with your horse.