Wish I got that magazine, would love to read it.  Can you tell us some of the suggestions you are going to try?

It's the June issue that just came in the mail yesterday.  It's rare that I sit out in the barnyard reading, but the article caught my eye, and I couldn't put it down.  The article is titled "Get Your Head Together" and it's by two equestrian sports psychologists. 

What I liked best:

1.  It doesn't take a major accident to rattle you.  It can be just a failure to keep control for an instant, a horse getting strong and you not able to keep him in line, or just not quite mastering a particular skill you're working on.  For me, it's all of the above that's keeping me from jumping again. 

2.  Most riders don't like to admit to themselves (or anyone else) that they're fearful, so they ride through the fear instead of addressing it.  That makes it worse. [Yep!]

3. Riders get kind of stuck on the discipline they were in.  Sometimes it helps to change disciplines for a while.  You can always go back. [I can vouch for that one!]

4.  Stay in your comfort zone for as long as it takes (YAY!!).  When you do venture out, "stack the deck in your favor. Don't do it when it's windy, or there is some other condition that makes you anxious. Wait for better conditions."  (Haefner, p.63)

5.  Riders returning after a long layoff "find their skills and their confidence levels are not what they were in youth . . . based not on serious accidents, but rather on the fear that an injury-causing incident might me lurking around the corner."  (Haefner, p.64)  [My hand is raised on that one, even though I didn't have the long layoff!]

6.  "According to Haefner, most riders are taught to ride at a young age.  But they are rarely schooled in the nature and behavior of horses. The relationship between horse and rider is critical to equestrian sport success, he says.  And by understanding how and why horses behave the way they do, anxious riders have a new set of tools for working their way through stressful situations." (p. 65-66)

7.  Don't hide your fear from you trainer.  S/he can't help you and might add to the stress if s/he's not aware of your problem.

They offer this list of sidebar topics as follows:

THINK POSITIVELY (Keep negative thoughts at bay so you don't enter a downward spiral)

BE AWARE (Don't ride when you're under stress or upset--just groom instead)

LOOK FOR OPTIONS (Don't tackle something new when you're under stress)

BE VISIONARY (Use mental imagery when you tackle a new skill)

A NEW ATTITUDE ("an attitude of gratitude" to even be involved in riding)

I recommend that you buy this issue.  It's got other good articles too--more so than usual.    Personally, I get it for the centerfold. This month is Friesians.  Gorgeous!

Wow!  Thanks so much for such a great overview of the article.  Yes, I do want to get it, but until I get to town, am printing your email.  Will see if my husband will read it; that would be great for him!  The only thing I might question is not riding thru your fear.  Because there have been times, when, who knows why, I have felt apprehensive about going out for a ride.  Maybe my horse was silly while I was tacking up, or the wind came up (not bad, just breezy) or whatever.  I've ridden anyway, and am always happy afterward that I did.  I agree with that suggestion if there is a really big reason to have apprehension.  If your horse is acting like a total nut while getting ready, or there is something really distracting nearby, etc.  Then I would probably go along with that.  But I've found that if it is "just me" and I ride anyway, things go well and I feel that much more confident in myself and my horse.  If I let myself go with worrying about everything, it is easy for that worry to snowball quickly; then I have a lot of fear to deal with for no actual reason.  Maybe that's just how I am, but I feel like sometimes I need to give myself a swift kick and keep going!  Thanks again for this great info!  Have a great day!

I agree.  I think there are times when it's just a tiny fear and you can kind of let it go.  After all, just hopping on a horse at all requires a certain suspension of panic, right?  LOL  But I think the point they were making is that you can feel okay about yourself even if you give in to the fear.  You'll see when you read the whole article. 

The suggestions they make for setting yourself up for success make sense.  If you can wait an hour for the wind to drop off or you can find someone who has nothing to do and will stand by while you ride out for the first time after a crash, why not do that?  I know how difficult Zip can be when he's in "that mood".  If he comes into the barn doing the Tigger Bounce, I hedge and just put him in his stall for 10 minutes with a flake of hay.  That's usually all it takes to get past whatever wild hair he had. 

When I was ready to ride again after chemo (and after eye surgery, and after I dislocated my hip and shoulder), you can bet Zip was NOT the first horse I picked to hop on!  LOL  He's great, but he needs his rider to be totally alert, and I know that.  Leo, on the other hand, is fine, so he's generally my first choice because he's also fun.  Dakota's even quieter, but he's harder to keep going.  I know I can sit to his WP jog even if I'm in serious pain, and he's not going to object if I stop him and dismount in a hurry because I'm feeling dizzy or whatever.  I think if I'd gotten on Zip first, I'd probably have wound up quitting for a while again because I wouldn't have had a rough time staying focused, and he'd have noticed that and worried that I really was as stupid as he always suspected.

Anyway, it's a really interesting article!  They say several times that confidence returns if you don't over-face yourself.  That gives me hope that I can work on the problem I know I have with balance over fences and maybe try jumping again.  Heck!  I wasn't very good at it before.  Maybe I'll be better this time! 

Yeah, there are surely degrees of fear, and if someone is having a real strong fear issue, I think it makes sense to wait awhile, or until a better day, or whatever.  I firmly believe if you are tense and afraid, it is immediately picked up by your horse, and then they become tense and afraid, and that rock you have ridden past 100 times suddenly becomes the largest grizzly bear he's ever seen!  I hope you get to try jumping again since you sound as if you want to.  I did want to learn to jump, but that has kind of gone by the wayside, and I really don't care anymore.  I just enjoy doing what I do.  It's a great idea to give yourself all the time you need and do whatever you need to do to be comfortable.  One of the great things about riding is the adrenaline rush, but  it should be a good one!  Lol!

I think confidence definitely returns if you let it, and don't try to do too much too fast.  I have gone off numerous times and really only lost confidence at all a couple of times.  Probably because usually it was due to my own stupidity, and I'm kinda stuck with myself, and can't blame my horse, can I? 

What sometimes helps me when I'm feeling really nervous is to put the horse on the longe and just watch him move.  It's pretty easy to tell in a minute or two what he's all about.  When I put Zip through his paces and he's totally responds to my voice commands, I'm like, "What in the hell was I afraid of??"  LOL  I may only get on for a few minutes and do a little walk/trot, or I may read his body language and realize that he's in a great mood and we can play some fun games.  The key is not to put too much pressure on yourself.  Just keep plugging away at it until the glass breaks.  Know what I mean? 

It also helps me to have a basic, very looooow-level plan for the ride.  If I say to myself, "I'll just longe him for 20 minutes then do some walking lateral work with him," odds are I'll wind up doing much more than that.  But it gives me the emotional "out" that allows me to quit if I feel he's tense or irritable (or, more likely, I am).  If I just mount up with no idea what I'm going to do, then nerves take over.  If he coughs, I'm sure the next thing will be a big buck (he doesn't buck, ever) or a dash through the fence (he's allergic to fast movement of any kind), and I can't relax enough to enjoy the moment.

Pretty much every accident I've ever had was my fault.  I either tried to do something I wasn't ready for or I didn't read the horse's mood accurately.  I like your line "I'm kinda stuck with myself, and can't blame my horse".  That's right on the mark!  We all need to be honest in assessing our own abilities and our riding flaws and be willing to start over from scratch if there's a hole in our basic training. 

Yes, I do know what you mean.  Don't know why it is soooo easy to put all this pressure on myself, in fact I am getting better about that, but it's still a work in progress.  I don't even ride in an arena, jump, or do dressage; I just ride!  But guess my arena days still sneak up on me.  Usually after I've ridden a bit I relax into who I really am and what I really plan to do.  My horse is great, and we are a better and better team all the time.  I also have to stop and say. "Wait just a minute here.  You've had this horse a grand total of 6 months now; your last one you had 11 years!   Do you really expect the same relationship already?  Get real, dummy!"  I've also began remembering when I first got my mare years ago, and how I remember some of the same things she did that Shammar does now.  She was the best horse in the entire universe, but, yes, she would spook at times, even tho I did ride her past jackhammers, etc.  I know I can do the same with Shammar; we just have to get more used to each other with each day, each ride, each work session, whatever!  I already see that he is more trusting of me, and I of him.  With me, the trust thing is everything!  I've seen too many horse/rider relationships that don't have it, or not enough of it.  Not a happy match!  Lol!  I think it helps to realize as you said, that most accidents you've had were your fault; I know that is true of me.  For the same reasons, inattention to the horse, or surroundings, or just not focused on what I was doing at the moment.  I'm pretty cautious about trying new things if I don't feel up for it.

Wow!  Arabian Girl, you're really having some serious insights into your situation.  That's great! 

I tend to frame my comments within the context of my degree in psychology and 25 years of working with special ed teens, so it's always neat when I hear someone click over on an idea that's really core to the problem.  Your "this horse simply isn't that horse" is huge. 

I had to come to grips with that when my QH mare died.  I'd done everything with her.  She and I were so closely bonded it was like we shared a brain.  I had her for 9 years.  Just before she died I bought Pokey, my Paint mare, who was bred and foundered, and I did my best to develop a cursory bond there, too.  But I didn't intend to keep Pokey.  I'd bought her for a friend.  My plan was to give the mare to my buddy and keep the baby for myself.  After all, the QH mare was almost 20 and would eventually need to be retired. 

But we never got there.  She died, and I rode Pokey a little and focused on baby Zip. When my friend announce she didn't like Pokey's "eye" (???), I wound up with the horse by default.  It took a year before I even tried to do anything more than just occasionally fool around with her and teach her about trails (she's an OT TB X Paint).  When I did, we had a few issues, and I got really upset and depressed.  I spent most of my time mourning the mare I'd lost and whining about the things I couldn't do anymore.  Of course, lack of focus tends to lead to confusion and accidents.  And it did.

After one BIG disaster with Pokey, I happened to come into contact with a horse psychic who told me what was going on with the horse.  When I was done crying over what a jerk I was, she and I finally started getting it together.  The issues stopped, and we had a fabulous time for two years before I had to retire her.  I needed a kick in the brain pan to point out that I was selling short a perfectly lovely horse because she couldn't/wouldn't do the things Fancy and I did.  Turned out she had lots of talent I hadn't even tapped and a wonderful attitude to boot.

It's also taken me time to work through things with Dakota, my relatively new App.  He was shuttled around from home to home before he came to me, so he was pretty shut down emotionally.  He did as he was asked, but didn't like me fussing over him and preferred to be left alone.  Again, it was a horse psychic (a different one--I meet a lot of strange people in my business ) who told me what his issue was. 

It took all of five minutes to solve the problem.  He opened up, and we're really starting to develop a fun relationship. Again, it's different from the one I had with any of my other horses.  I just needed to figure out how we fit together so I could stop worrying that he might do something unexpected and scare the sh*t out of me.  LOL  I like my sh*t totally contained, thanks.

Anyway, even if you "just ride", you can still have a rudimentary plan.  I'm working on getting my horses to ride down the road alone again, so some days just making it 500 feet to the end of the driveway without a spook or a refusal is a big deal.  That's usually my lowest-level goal.  Sometimes, though, I even have to back off more than that and just go, say, around the front lawn TO the driveway if the horse is spooky or I know there's a bear nearby that might freak him out.  I'm okay with looking like a beginner until I get my courage back.  It's a process!

Yes, I think it is an ongoing process, no matter how far we think we have come; there is more to learn and more to enjoy, and more to give and teach to our horses.  I had a horse psychic talk to my mare shortly after I got her and it was enlightning.  I don't know any out here, in fact if  I asked about one to the wrong people, they would probably refer me to the local mental issues clinic.....?  Seriously, tho, I understand how you got stuck after losing your QH mare, with such a tight bond as you had with her.  I had a similar situation; I could do anything with Belle and many times when others I rode with had problems, I had Belle do whatever first so the frightened horse could see she was okay afterward; i.e. crossing water, going by rocks, etc.  It's understandably a bit of a shock to lose such a horse, and then realize the next horse is a completely different being.  Shammar, my new gelding, is a wonderful horse, and he too probably has issues with me.  He came from only his 2nd home in his lifetime where he was for about 6 years, so he was pretty used to things in a certain as well.  We make progress every day we work together.  He has such a different personality; he is more outgoing and has a terrific sense of humor...sometimes his timing is poor with that tho.....lol!  We had a great longeing session this morning.  He was paying attention and obeying the commands really well. 

My QG gelding came from some bad experiences, and was headshy and very leery of attention when we first got him.  He would just blow up at times, for seemingly no reason.  He's gotten much better, more relaxed and focused.  He will spook at times, but usually you can see it coming, and he loves attention now.

One thing I learned from a trainer several years ago in Calif.  He said that whenever you ride your horse, it should be a training session.  Not necessarily a formal one, but even little things, like being sure your horse stops when you ask, changes gaits when you ask, turns when you ask, etc.  It is easy to let little things go, when you are trail riding and having fun, but it also can create bigger things later on.  My own theory is, treat horses like small children; give them lots of praise, show them what is expected, and stop wrong behavior ASAP because usually it takes a lot less effort and can be done much more gently. This creates trust between horse and rider, which helps eliminate fear issues on both parts because both know what to expect from the other.

I think a little apprehension is probably good, because it keeps us from doing things we can't handle.  The scary people to me are those who seem to have no fear of consequences.  I've ridden around a few of them, and I don't care for it at all!  I think you have a great attitude in not setting unrealistic goals for yourself and your horse.  Who cares what you do as long as you are having fun doing it?  Have a great weekend!

arabian girl:

One thing I learned from a trainer several years ago in Calif.  He said that whenever you ride your horse, it should be a training session. 

 That is soooo true!  It's the same with kids.  You always have to be aware that they're learning machines, and you are always teaching them something whether or not you're aware of it.  So it's important to always be aware.  If they're learning some strange behavior, you're probably the one teaching it to them!  LOL

Enjoy your weekend too!