I take full responsbilty for this one.    I know at least a few of you have been around long enough to have come across most of them.

http://www.gallanthopefarm.com/index10.html

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Frequent Flatulation: There are actual equine illnesses that will cause endless and well-timed farting. Sharing your lunch with your horse, accidentally or on purpose, can also cause gastric distress which will result in creation of mega-gas. Too much spring grass will result in flatulence accompanied by projectile diarrhea (which, by the way, will be green—a nice touch as it blends well with Tailored Sportsman breech colors). It is my considered opinion that “jet propelled” horses are able to control their expulsiveness, and use that fact to their advantage in confined spaces. Nothing says “School’s out!” like an owner passed out on the floor of the barn aisle in mid-tack-up.

Ha ha ha ! Lila has this when I pick out her back feet, I thinks that it is on prupose!

 That is so funny. Thanks I needed a good laugh today.

Hahah.. That was good.  Thanks!

I'm glad you liked it.  The way I look at it is if you can't laugh at this horse life, then you're bound to wind up miserable.  I'd much rather laugh. 

Those are great!! Brought a smile to my rainy Monday morning.

My mare suffers from some strange malady in which being tied in the barn aisle for grooming and tacking up acts as a laxative. Last week one day she didn't poop in the barn aisle and I was considering calling the vet.

And here's a good one on me. After the mare had a genuine lameness issue and was off for several weeks I was pretty worried about every little bobble. So if her gait got the least bit choppy, I'd assume she was having a lameness recurrence. I'd get off, check her out and stop riding. Pretty soon I had her trained to immediately start out with a rough gait. The vet cured her by handing me a crop during a lameness evaluation. Didn't have to use it, just had to hold it - the mare produced the smoothest gait you ever saw. The crop cure only cost me 50 bucks, but now I can do it myself without calling the vet.

LL, that's a great story!  LOL  Want to contribute to my next book?  I just started one I'm currently calling "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?", a guide for new horse owners. 

 I've just discovered a new ailment myself.  I'm dubbing it Dwarfanoidism. 

I spent a lot of money trying to figure out why my mini gelding (he was a stallion when I bought him, which accounts for one hunge expenditure) refused to let me brush him or bathe him.  It was an outright rodeo in the wash stall every time I gave him a stroke with anything that smacked of cleanliness.  He'd stand tied forever without moving a muscle as long as there were no brushes or clippers in view.  I could harness him and hitch him, I just couldn't groom him.  So generally he was going down the road with his cart and shiny harness, looking as if he'd lost a battle with a dust devil.  I've had him on every herbal and vitamin-based calming supplement available. 

Then one day I was grooming my QH and noticed the mini (they're turn-out buddies who share the barnyard with access to the barn) standing quietly in line behind him.  So I finished Leo and went on to Duke without a hitch.  Who knew he hated to be restrained?  He'll stand without so much as a halter on while I groom, clip and bathe him.  I can call him from the paddock by yelling, "Duke, let's get clipped!", and he'll come running.  But heaven forbid I grab his halter to turn him around!  Voice commands will suffice, dengyuberrymudge.  Obviously I was the one who needed training. 

I loved your definitions.  I especially liked the story about grooming your mini.  Thanks for sharing.

I have great big 17hh warmblood who is not into being clipped and marches backwards at pace at the sound of the clippers. The best way to prevent this I have discovered is to take knee high feed bins and lay poles on top of them to form a square around him. Once inside this very low and rickety pen he will stand like a lamb. Can you believe it!?

 That's hilarious!  I can just picture it.  He's got a severe case of Clipperversification if ever I saw one.  LOL

 My big Paint, Zip, won't stand for a bath unless he gets to squirt me with the hose first.  He's still not great at bath time, but as long as I give him a turn at the hose periodically, we'll get through it.  I have accepted that any ride on Zip will end with me having to change my clothes.  Fair is fair.

 Last week my barn slave left me a note saying that the ancient one-eyed Appy wouldn't let her sweep the mat in front of his stall--kept threatening her and trying to grab the broom handle.  Her description--"He had his cranky pants on"--was so appropriate I laughed out loud.  

Horses are such great comic relief!

That was funny  Thanks for sharing.  I've always said even on our worst days our horses can still make us smile :)