That was very brave of you to make the ultimate decision for Vanny. It's so, so hard to do what you know is right. I had to put down my big TB almost one year ago due to a bad colic. We tried everything, other than surgery, but nothing helped and he was suffering, so, I had to make that decision too. You need to make the choice as to what is best for THEM, not about how you feel now or afterwards. I'm glad you were able to help him.
It hurts so much right now, but that will fade. But, the good memories will live on in your mind and heart. Keep those feelings alive. Big hugs to you.
Thanks for posting this, JG.