Thank you everyone for your well thought out responses. It takes two weeks to find out the result of this blood test to see if she has the ovarian tumor. I really think this mare may even be the victim of an indiscriminate breeding program. She had to be weaned early because her dam had to be euthanized at age 15 because of cancer. If the mare was that sick who knows what quality milk she had for her as a baby or  even how that might have affected her in the womb. I was told this by her breeder a year or so after I purchased the mare. The breeder of this mare was a beautiful and good woman pursued by that demon alcohol. She died suddenly at age 46. I think it was probably liver failure but certainly her problems clouded her judgement. She at times had no money for hay and hadn't had this mare's feet trimmed in months at the time of my purchase.

These situations are all too common. When I purchased the mare I thought I was taking her out of that situation. I didn't realize that I was just making it so she could get another horse or 5 to alternately neglect or coddle at random. I tried to help out but all I got was a bunch of grief in return.

I put my horses first. It is just what I believe in. Unfortunately sometimes that means doing the right thing even when it is tearing my heart out.

I am considering this seriously right now because I hate to see them die in miserable weather in the winter. After 39 years with horses I have noticed that if they are weak they often get worse in that December through February range when the weather is nasty.

Thank you all once again

I know this is an older post but I just wanted to share a personal experience that I have had. At a barn where I used to board my horse there was a horse named Debs. He's still there, actually. While I was there a couple of years ago Debs was already cancer stricken and quite aged. I just got an email recently from someone who is still at this barn letting me know that Debs has gotten so bad that he literally leans on his stall wall to keep himself standing and can barely eat! Yet the owner refuses to put him down. I'm very glad that I am not there to see it because just hearing about it breaks my heart. Another person I know has stretched herself to the point of bankruptcy to pay for colic surgeries on some of her older horses. I know it is difficult to let go and make the decision to actually put a friend to death but that doesn't mean that it isn't the right decision. I have a 21 year old Arab gelding that I've had since he was 2 and I already know that if something were to happen to me financially to the point that I absolutely could not afford to care for him I would have him euthanized. I don't say that lightly but it is true. Every time I see an ad for a 20+ horse out there it makes me nervous. I know they don't always end up in bad situations but so many of them do. I just could never take that chance with my boy. 

I would like to share my experience with this issue.  My last horse at age 18 was sick for a year with what the vet thought was sand colic.  He and several other vets treated him as such for many months before it was decided to take him to Marion Dupont Veterinary Hospital in Virginia.  By then, he was skin and bones and looking like a "rescue nightmare" horse.  We had to be very imaginative in feeding him and tried nearly everything on the market.  Many people told me he should be put down but even though he was thin, he was still alert and interested in the world around him.  After a thorough examination at the Hospital, it was determined that his colon  (I can't remember if it was lg. or sm.) wasn't functioning and he was not to eat any grass.  They said that whatever had caused the problem was no longer in his system and there was no way to find out what it was.  I decided to bring him home and keep him comfortable and, as Amber said, I would know when it was time to "let him go".  He actually started eating and gained some weight but it was only temporary and probably a result of the drugs he was given.  He went downhill fast and started colicking everytime he ate anything, even an offered carrot.  I trailered him to the University of MD (close to home) which is affiliated with the Vet school at VA Tech.  They euthanized him and did a necropsy.  Again, nothing specific was found.  But I had the satisfaction of knowing that he didn't die alone out in the field and he was ultimately after death used to instruct students who performed the necropsy.  They gave his diagnosis as Colitis X.  Since then, I have read articles that say this is caused by poisoning.  I don't think he had sand colic at all.

I am euthanizing my mare on November 17. Since my post her melanomas have worsened dramatically. She already had them in her mouth, on her face, her eye on her udder, on her belly, on her neck. in her tail, and under her tail. She has since grown one that is growing a finger like extension over her anus. There is now one by her elbow on her barrell. She popped out 7 new golf ball sized tumors in less than a week. Who knows what is going on inside. She seems to be losing her mind and attacked her best friend today and  almost maimed or killed me. One moment I am catching a horse and the next thing I know there is squealing and screaming and hooves everywhere. Then oddly it was like nothing happened. Her best friend and I were tramatized but she just started grazing again like she forgot anything had happened.

I have done everything available to stop this from happening and nothing any from any veternarian, university or quack remedy has helped at all.

I will be euthanizing her at home. The closest Vet school is an eight hour drive across a snowy mountain pass and I am not putting her or me through that.

Thanks for the stories. I don't know why I let everybody at home here talk me out of euthanizing her months ago but somehow they did. It would have been more humane to do it when she was in better health rather than let it go like this.

It's a pity that she has taken this turn for the worse.  I think I agree it might have been better to do it before her mental faculties were affected.My heart goes out to you as you make this tough decision, but I'm sure it's the right thing to be done for her.  I've never dealt with what you're dealing with and certainly didn't realize they could manifest so quickly.

I'll keep you both in my thoughts. *hugs*

Jayne-Admin:

It's a pity that she has taken this turn for the worse.  I think I agree it might have been better to do it before her mental faculties were affected.My heart goes out to you as you make this tough decision, but I'm sure it's the right thing to be done for her.  I've never dealt with what you're dealing with and certainly didn't realize they could manifest so quickly.

I'll keep you both in my thoughts. *hugs*

 

 Hugs to you.  I can tell you from my own experience that the waiting till "the day" is the worst part.  As I said before,  mine were no where near as bad off as your mare is.  But I still felt a great sense of peace/relief when it was finally done.  Please be careful between now and then.  It sounds like she might have a tumor in her brain that is causing erratic behavior.  

 And Jayne, yes, that kind of behavior can happen out of the blue if there is a tumor in the brain.  We had a dog that turned out had a brain tumor.  One minute he was fine next he was out and out attacking our cat that he grew up with.  Then just like that it was over and he acted like it never happened.  It was two days later when we had the dog euthed.  We had a 4 YO kid and a baby on the way.  Couldn't take a chance the dog would do something to a kid.  

 {{{{{HUGS}}}}}} you are doing the right thing.  

I'm so sorry to hear that nothing more can be done.  It does sound like something is "taking over" your horse's body.  I agree, an 8 hour drive through a snowy pass is no trip for a horse who could suddenly freak out.  Not good for her or the driver of the vehicle.

My thoughts are with you.  You are definitely doing the right thing. 

 

 You have my deepest sympathy. I predict that after you do what needs to be done, you will start to feel a sense of peace. You have done far more for this girl than many people would - you have always kept her welfare at the forefront - and you are wise enough to see that she is suffering. Sometimes the best thing we can do is the hardest thing. Oh rats, now I'm getting teary. Give her a kiss for me.

I'm new to this site, but not to the heartbreak of losing a horse.

All I can say is I sympathise, but life will go on and although you can't see it now it has to be the best decision for the horse, the other horses and yourself.

Thinking of you.

Look up 'Horse Prayers' on internet, there are some lovely poems on there, might help after

Be strong.

HelenMcD

Actually I can see that it is the right thing for the horse. My problem has been that others did not. The Veterinarians wanted to keep treating the horse and she is in discomfort and there is no cure only a prolonging of the discomfort. I realized in January that the cancer was starting to really take off. I noticed that she was significantly more agitated than normal starting in February.

I have had horses for 39 years and they seem to know to come to me with their problems. It is hard to explain. They aren't talking. They aren't using telepathy or anything fancy like that. They come up to me and present the part of their body that bothers them or hump up in that miserable horse stance or droop their ears out to the sides like a donkey dropping the tips down or they make exaggerated uncomfortable horse faces if their teeth are bothering them.

The Vets and the farrier kept saying: Well she's still eating right? Or she still has a good coat and she isn't losing weight.". Some of my family were unhappy with it too. They fact of the matter is that as an old pony club alumni I can make almost any horse coat look good. When it comes to coat quality I can do a lot to fake it and I like to keep my horses looking their best even if I am pressed for time. My concern has been not forcing the horse to go all of the way downhill just so the Vets and everyone else can see it. I seem to be the only one who hasn't been in denial.

I finally had to call the Vet and tell him "Look, this is a gift that we can give our pets but not ourselves". I don't want my mare to suffer. I don't want to force her to go all of the way downhill so it is obvious. Everyday I let pass risks her having some sort of gruesome, painful health event. She has extensive cancer on the outside of her body and it would be a miracle if it were not the same on the inside at this point."

When I began this post her cancer had not accellerated yet. Now it is obvious to all. She even has a ping pong ball sized tumor at the base of each ear and can't hold them up properly anymore. In the past week she has formed a large hollow infront of each hipbone.

It has been hard for me because I love this mare. This mare has tried to care for me as I have cared for her. I grew a tumor in my abdomen two years ago. While I was waiting for surgery it would cause me to have spasms which made me fall on the ground. My mare followed me around and when I had a spasm she would stick her head under my body and gently support me and lower me to the ground preventing me from falling and then she would stand over me until I could get up. She was also a successful show jumper and has been a pleasure to own.

Her family on both sides (except for her dam) routinely live into their mid 30s so I am losing her about 15 years too early. It feels like the right thing in my brain and the wrong thing in my heart and I will not be able to change that. I do agree that I will probably feel a sense of peace after she is gone. I worry about her all of the time.

We breed them, birth them, feed, love , care for them, teach them, wash them poo pick them,  do everything for them - of course we love them and can't bear the thought of having to do the 'deed' - we can do everything else but that. But who else has she got - if you know she's suffering do the right thing by her

Only you will know when the time is right, be guided by your relationship.  She's young and God love you both, sounds like you're all suffering.

You know deep down what you have to do,

Lots of hugs and kisses.

HelenMcD

 

Topaz was euthanized this morning at 8 am. Her cancer was horrible and it felt terrible to do that to a horse so young. She meant the world to me. My head said it was the right thing but my heart was just screaming. It is amazing that there are so many treatments for cancer in people and so many pain killers for people but so little for horses. It is a cruel but even if I had all of the money in the world I would not have been able to save her or even soothe her suffering enough to keep her going. She suffers no more but my heat is broken. The farm is so empty without her.

My heart is breaking for your loss.  Topaz will remain in your heart forever.  Bless you for doing what was right for her, no matter how hard for you.

*hugs*

 I'm so sorry. Hugs

My deepest sympathy for your loss.  Try to hold on to the good times you had with your mare before her illness.  (((BIG HUGS)))  from me to you.