I was just wondering on how to approach this issue that I'm having with my mom. I am 15. I have a younger sister who is 12.  I have been riding English for 4 years now, and have gone through 2 horses. Both we still own, one I am currently riding.  The horse I ride is Scout, the other is Kindra.  Until recently, my sister has been riding Kindra.  But now my mom says that the arab mare is to 'wild' for her.  My sister was originally going to move up to Scout, but has grown a fear of him.  This is due to previous riding experiences.  Since I've been riding Scout, I have gotten rid of all of his old issues.  He's now successfully jumping 3 feet.  Unfortunately, my sister is still scared of him.

Today I brought up to my mom how I've been looking around at off-the-track TB's and rescue places for a horse.  Her immediate reply was "Oh, well, I want your sister to get a horse before you do."  That's how the argument got started.  I didn't--and still don't--know why my sister was more of priority than I was.  I don't mean to sound selfish.  I swear.  It's just that I had to train both Kindra and Scout to become English horses who fit the bill for my Pony Club, I have never had the chance to just learn while riding a horse who knew what I was asking.  I've always had to learn it, quick go and try to train the horse I was riding, and then learn the next thing.

I was then told by my mom that I was selfish for always wanting the better of things when it came down to my sister and I.  I don't think that's quite right, though.  From my point of view, my sister has gotten the better end of the stick.  She has gotten two horses who knew what they were supposed to do.  She didn't have to train them.  On top of this, my sister is yet to show any motivation to really want to ride.  Even the week before her Pony Club rating (or testing), she didn't have the urge to ride as much as she should've been.

I want a new horse because I hate riding Scout.  Really.  He's slow and lazy, and I spend half of my lesson getting him to work.  When we do dressage, I have to really work to get him to pick up his canter at the right spot--even just riding in the field.  It's a scarce amount of days that he's willing to do whatever I ask of him.  Scout has no jumping motivation--and jumping is what I love to do.  I want a horse I can really compete with.  Or even a horse who I could try fox-hunting with.  A horse who I could actually attempt to have a bond with seeing as how my bond with Scout is about nothing...

I want to show my mom my point of view, but if you all think that this is a hopeless task, I won't.  I don't know if she'll aactually think about what I'm trying to say or if she'll shoot me down immediatley.  Sorry if this was such a long post.  I just don't want to screw this up.

Sit down and calmly, slowly explain to your mom your point of view.  While there are two sides to every story, you sound like you deserve a horse partnership in which YOU can learn, not the horse.  Good luck, and stick to your guns.  You'll get your dream horse...

JumptheMoon:

I want a new horse because I hate riding Scout.  Really.  He's slow and lazy, and I spend half of my lesson getting him to work.  When we do dressage, I have to really work to get him to pick up his canter at the right spot--even just riding in the field.  It's a scarce amount of days that he's willing to do whatever I ask of him.  Scout has no jumping motivation--and jumping is what I love to do.  I want a horse I can really compete with.  Or even a horse who I could try fox-hunting with.  A horse who I could actually attempt to have a bond with seeing as how my bond with Scout is about nothing...

What a spoiled brat.  And not that it will matter any, but I agree 100% with FlakeMusic.  Have you ever tried thinking about your horse first, instead of yourself all the time, for a change? 

I'm not even so sure you're riding because you love horses so much as you are for how it makes you look.

I disagree with you.  It sounds like the poster does indeed like to ride, however, it is very disheartening when you constantly have to train your mount at such a young age.  Most children these days can't even muck a stall-give her some credit for training not one but TWO horses, which is exhausting and isn't always fun.  Although there is work involved, riding is supposed to be fun.  

You're the only one who knows how your mom will or will not react to your request.  The best way to handle it is to definitely approach her calmly and explain what you just explained to us.

 But, honestly, I think you're asking for a lot.  You have two horses.  My parents couldn't afford a horse for me when I was younger and I dealt with it.  Now, at 22, I'm buying my first horse on my own with no help.  

The health and well-being of your current horses has to come first.  If you want a new horse, get a job and either buy it yourself or find one to lease that fits your needs.  I have no sympathy for the fact that your mother won't buy you a new, fancier horse.  Sorry.

 

 

Honestly people!  It sometimes works out (just like human friendships) that certain partnerships just don't mesh well.  If a horse isn't working out for either you or your sister why don't you look into finding him a partner that he DOES mesh well with.  He will be happier too if he has an owner/rider that he is better suited for.  It is completely normal for some riders to like a horse with more get-up-and-go and some riders to like a horse that would rather take it easy and go slow.  Since neither you or your sister want to ride scout or Kindra why don't you work on finding them homes where they ARE wanted and then you are each free to find a new horse. Maybe you can work a deal with your mom that if you find a good home for Scout you can use part of the money to pay an adotion fee for an OTTB?  As for your sister she will probably enjoy riding a lot more if she gets to pick her own horse instead of getting hand-me-downs from you as well.  She needs a timid rider-friendly horse that she picks herself because SHE feels comfortable on him.  Just like you need to have a horse that you feel like you bond with, so does she.

I agree, sometimes partnerships just don't work out and it is nessary to try something else.  In this case, it sounds like the poster has outgrown these horses.  She's taught them and they've taught her and nether are happy with each other.  So my advice would be to find new homes for these horses that are more suited and look for more suitable ones. 

Horses aren't pets like dogs and cats where you are obligated to keep them until they pass on of extreme old age.  Just think if you enjoyed competing and you've outgrown your first pony, you can't afford to keep it and buy another, so do you keep it as a pet until it passes on, or do you sell it and buy a more suitable one?  I think this is what the poster needs to do.  She has done her best by these horses, but they are just not suited for her and her sister.  It's time move the horses on to more suitable owners and find more suitable horses for them. 

To the origional poster, if you are planning on getting an ottb from a rescue, be aware that it will be highly unlikely that this will be a horse that you be able to get on and be showing or hunting with in a few weeks.  Aside from ground manners, former race horses, for the most part, only know how to go fast and to the left.  Basicly you'll be getting horse that is very green to doing anything other that.  However, one of these should make you a very nice Pony Club project.  Then too, training a horse that you actually like and click with, will make the job more fun and satisfying. 

Good luck.

Spotted Pony

 Yes, I agree that some partnerships just don't match.  But when someone else is footing the bill, sometimes you just have to be happy with what you've got until you can make things different for yourself.  I think the OP should take responsibility for re-homing (with permission from her parents) and/or purchasing a new horse on her own if she's not happy with the horses her parents have provided.  Owning a horse is a luxury, not a necessity (even though sometimes I beg to differ   ).

I agree with flake and Nicole -- honestly, you are a 15-year-old kid with two horses.  That is a HUGE luxury.  My parents never bought me even one horse and I worked my butt off to finally buy my own when I was 26.

If your partnership with your horse is not working out, THINK OF THE HORSE FIRST.  It's not a bicycle that you can shove in the back of the garage when you are tired of it.  If you can find him a SAFE, QUALITY home, then do so and THEN perhaps look for a horse you believe is better suited to your goals.

Honestly though, if you are not paying the bills yourself, then you really have no right to put your foot down and demand anything.  Sibling jealousy is always present -- perhaps you should take a step back and look at it from a different perspective.  You have the ability to go ride a horse whenever you want and you can go to horse shows, trail rides, etc.  So many kids would kill for that (I would have!).  When you are paying the bills on your own, THEN you can make all the demands you want. 

 First, congratulations on being a far better writer and speller than almost all other kids your age. It's refreshing to see a teenager post something, especially of this length, without multiple exclamation marks and excess capitals or no caps at all. Not only that, but you're trying to present things factually rather than just ranting. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that!

Now, having said that, I do have to agree with the others that your point of view is too restricted. I grew up across the street from a stable but couldn't afford to have even regular lessons, let alone my own horse, which I only got when I ws almost 60.  You're very, very lucky to have 2 horses already. You don't like Scout because he's slow. To me, that is a very fixable problem, but I know what it's like to get on the outs with a horse. Are you thinking of selling him? Because it sounds like that's the best solution for him.

If you're looking for a competition horse, an OTTB may not be the best bet. Why can't you compete on Kindra? You don't say much about him or her - is she the wild Arab?

If it seems like your sister is "more of a priority" and doesn't have "motivation to really want to ride," it may be that your mother thinks fear is taking her over and wants her to have a nice safe confidence-building horse to try to change that. You sound pretty fearless, but not everyone is. Parents have to balance their kids' wishes off against each other all the time, and it's not easy. 

Please try to step back a moment, take a deep breath or ten, and think about other things you can do to get to where you want.  You're in Pony Club, so I guess that means you have a regular instructor? Is there by any chance a school horse you can ride? You do sound frustrated, but honestly, I think that's a requirement for being 15. I'm not kidding or trying to be mean. It is a very hard age - I remember it all too well. Should I tell you about the time my father locked me out of the house? 

Or maybe I should tell you about the huge argument I had with my horse a couple of months ago, when she intentionally reared up and twisted until she threw me off. I was so furious with her I spent the next two weeks beating her every time I had to deal with her (I'm exaggerating, but not much - it was ugly). I wanted never to ride her again, she had no potential to succeed at anything, I was tired of trying with her. Luckily I was able to ride another horse for a while, and then I had my instructor start riding her and I'd have a short lesson right afterwards. Now, what a diference, not only is she much softer but I'm a much better rider and can see how I was causing some of the problem. So do consider the possibility that maybe Scout can give you what you want, if you change what you're doing in some way.

Maybe you need a new horse - maybe not - who can tell? - but it will help your frustration if you try to put yourself in your mother's and even your sister's shoes and see things from their point of view. Even if it doesn't change the situation, it can give you the patience needed to get through it. 

Great post, My Gracie... very eloquently stated.

What rating are you in PC? I grew up having to train all the horses I rode while competing in PC. Granted, they were never the perfect horse I envisioned, but I did learn to be a better ride for it. Your sister is younger and it sounds like she has some confidence issues whereas you don't, so your mom may just be hoping to find a horse that your sister can work with - that will get her more motivated to ride. As a parent, it's not about your sister being more a priority, it is about balance. You're old enough at this point to talk to you mom reasonably, ask her what it looks like in the future or what kind of plan you both can come up with for a different horse for you. I rode a lot of hand me downs, and then borrowed a horse for my C-3 and was looking to borrow one again for my B rating. Sometimes that is the better option. 

Putting your foot down and demanding a new horse isn't the way to go about it. Look at it this way, working to improve Scout and getting him to be more responsive will only make you a better rider in the long run.

My mom was not a horse person. I had a gelding who was free-leased to us for a few years that she thought could do anything I needed. She didn't understand that some horses didn't have the athletic ability to carry me through the PC ratings. A friend's father helped clarify that - and helped her understand that I'd trained that horse to his best possible level. All the same, I never disliked or whined about the horses I did have to ride. I realized that owning horses was a privilege and was thankful for the opportunities I had to own them and to ride. 

If a new horse isn't in the cards, see if there are ones you could borrow to ride. I catch rode a lot of horses - especially in college when I didn't have the funds to support my horse habit by owning one. 

 

     You make some excellent points My Gracie.  Perhaps the poster's focus shouldn't be on purchasing...that's certainly the ideal, but not always reasonable. 

Hello, just wanted to add a few things to some of the advice you've already received. It's not my intention to judge you but I have a couple of past experiences that I think may relate to your problem. When I was 15 and my sister 11 my Mom bought us our first horses. We didn't really have any knowledge about horses at the time and both horses were very young and completely green. Not a very good combination of course but we didn't know any better and we were very happy about it. Now my horse was a little gelding who was super sweet and laid back. I was pretty fearless at the time and willing to pretty much ride anything with four legs. So we really didn't have any problems. My sister, however, had a mare that was... well a mare. She was very strong and she was much more nervous and high strung than my gelding. To top it off my sister was a much more timid rider than I was just by nature. So needless to say they had a lot of problems. It was only a couple of years ago when my sister and I were talking that I realized how bad those problems were. You see like you I use to get so frustrated that my sister never wanted to ride and when we would ride she never wanted to do the things that I wanted to do like canter and gallop and find fallen trees to jump over. (We had no Pony Club near us, unfortunately.) My sister confessed to me that she wasn't just afraid to ride back then, she was terrified. Literally it took her years and years to get over the experience of having her first horse. I say all this to just point out to you that perhaps your sister is more afraid than you are even aware. If she is making excuses to not ride and not practicing as much as you think she should maybe it is because she is genuinely afraid. Just remember whether she says it or not she looks up to you as her older sister. Maybe you should let her know that it is okay to be afraid and maybe even tell her that you too have fears of certain things. Horses may come and go but your sister will always be your sister. I'm sure that it is very hard for her to always see you doing so well and not being afraid. Also you said that you've had two new green horses that you've had to train and that your sister as a result got those horses you trained when you were done. But listen to what you are really saying... You've already had two new to you horses whereas she has always had your hand me downs. It's sorta like saying I've gotten two new pairs of jeans and gotten them nice and broke in and then handed them off to my sis when I was done. Now I know that jeans and horses are not even close to the same thing but hopefully you see the point I'm trying to make. 

 And just one more thing I'd like to add. You stated that you hate to ride Scout because he is slow and lazy and "you have to really work to get him to canter..." It just reminds me of a lesson horse we used to have at the barn where I first started riding. His name was Tezhan and all of us students absolutely hated to ride him. He was the laziest thing and you would feel like your legs were going to fall off when you finished with your lesson. One day we were on a trail ride with my trainer. I can't remember if it was me riding Tezhan that day or not but whoever it was kept getting way behind and was really starting to complain about how lazy Tezhan was. Well our trainer finally got fed up with it and she got on that pony and wouldn't you know in about 5 seconds she had him trotting out faster than any of the other horses. That has always stuck with me. Yes, part of it was that Tezhan was her horse and he knew her and would do what she'd ask but part of it was also us students either not asking correctly or whatever. I do agree that not all horse/rider relationships work out and that may be the case for you and Scout but maybe he still has more to teach you?

Sincerely,